I'm drive I can fine osifer
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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