Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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