I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
