hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"