he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
