My room smells like vodka and shame
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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