Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.