she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
