I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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