we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
