you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
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I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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