he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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