i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
