You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I could make wine with my vomit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
