If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
