You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
