just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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