What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
