Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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