After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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