When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
