He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You took a bar mat shot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
