if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
