we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
whose parrot is this?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
