just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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