Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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