so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
