Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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