I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
