did you get engaged???
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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