I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
