you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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