You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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