Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
