you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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