My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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