Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
