OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
