It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How's work?
Spinning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
