i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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