dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
