He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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