Kiss
Puke
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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