hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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