the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
