My room smells like vodka and shame
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My breasts were aching with rage.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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