just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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