my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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