Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
