he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
