I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
