I have demons in me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
