my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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