Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
