Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
