3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mom said you looked used
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
