Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this is an emotional support booty call
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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