You just made me feel so damn special
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
