we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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