Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
