i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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