I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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