it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
