conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
