So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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