Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I will pee on everything he values.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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